On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
