Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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