i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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