Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
soo... how was my night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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