the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
