Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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