Taylor Swift is so right about you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize