dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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