it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
