I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Boobs speak an international language.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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