You're my little dorito
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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