i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
