I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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