is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
