I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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