I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
