god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
