why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
