Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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