I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
