I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
