I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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