i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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