remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize