I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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