If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
