I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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