I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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