first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
