hotel room ftw
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
