What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
