She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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