I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
