I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize