i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
