Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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