I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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