i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
