I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
