Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
