i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
