I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
