I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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