Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
