Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
