I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
