She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize