yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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