i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
