In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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