I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
