He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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