If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
