I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
