the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Houston, we have a blender
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
