okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
