the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
