is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Randomize