how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
