I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
