u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
