I'm lost and stupid without you.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
