I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
