omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He passed out mid-signature
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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