she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize