Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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